iCharge

We all have at least one portable electronic device that we use from day to day. Most of us, I for one, couldn’t live without them. These include: mobile phones, MP3 players, digital cameras, mini-Consoles like the DS and PSP, and Sat Navs. Some of us endeavour to get the most up-to-date technology, while others, fair enough, are happy with their Nokia bricks and Sony Discmans. All these things are great… but we have to charge them… ALL the time… This is why fewer and fewer people are going camping – because after two days without a plug socket, you are uncontactable and most probably bored.

How many times have you been on a night out, your mates are lined for a photo, often in unbalanced poses and pulling a funny but difficult-to-hold facial expression, and you’re about to take a picture and your camera just dies? Plus, it doesn’t die before you think you can capture this moment, it dies as soon as the button is pressed and this usually results in everyone hating you. I admire some of you though – you don’t give up - you take the battery out and put it back in again and it always gives you a bit more juice.


What annoys me most about this is when your phone or camera is low on battery. It doesn’t try to preserve this power it has left - it screams and flashes at you until it inevitably dies. It’s the equivalent of someone constantly telling you that they are worried their voice is going.

Apparently, with some mobile phones there’s a code you can enter and it will give you a little bit more power, if it is running low. If this is true, this is absolutely ridiculous. So basically, if you don’t know the code, your phone dies even though it’s got reserves somewhere. Well that’s just great! Who do they think they are? This isn’t the same as that Grand Theft Auto game where if you press the Triangle and the X buttons seven times each, whilst doing a twirl, you can get a Bazooka - this could be a matter of life and death.

Why hasn’t the self-charging battery been invented? Surely there’s a way? Can’t the battery use the energy it produces and recycle it? I still don’t know how the hell fax machines can do what they do and they’ve been around for ages! AND they don’t need charging! Ok that’s slightly different.

Recently I bought this laptop, which I’m using now in Caffe Nero, and it’s great but I didn’t think I’d have to ch……..

Vampire Taunted By Peers For Not Knowing Kung-Fu

A vampire has disclosed he suffered decades of torment from fellow vampires for not knowing the Chinese martial art, kung-fu. Novak Strigoi, 1276 from Krakow, has been teased mercilessly by his undead contempories for failing to match their uncanning grasp of physical combat.

Strigoi, who now resides in Paris, said "It's a joke. I don't see why they all pick on me. I mean, come on. Doesn't it strike you as slightly odd that none of these vampires new kung-fu when they were alive, but as soon as they become 'the undead' they're trotting around like Bruce friggin' Lee."

Strigoi feels that Hollywood depictions of vampires are creating a disconnect in the mind of the public about the day to day lives of normal vampires. "I swear, it's all down to the movies. No one used to expect me to know kung-fu, now I'm treated like a leper because I can't use nunchucks. People see Blade, Blade II and Underworld... and Underworld II and think that we're all supposed to be flying around, kicking people in the head and getting up off the floor without using our hands."

Strigoi has narrowed this trait down to post-millennium films. "It wasn't so bad in the mid-nineties.. Interview with a Vampire, Bram Stoker's Dracala - no one did kung fu in that shit. Yea, The Lost Boys was a bit out there, but that was a one off."

Mr Strigoi sees no choice but to adopt that universal mantra 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em' by learning a martial art. Strigoi said "Yes mate, I've just signed up to a pilates class at the local gym. It's just a council run place, but it's pretty cheap and it might be a nice place to meet women too. Grrrr."